John Mayer’s Guide to Picking Up Women: Singing 50 Shades of Grey Excerpts

May 25, 2012

 John Mayers Guide to Picking Up Women: Singing 50 Shades of Grey Excerpts

 John Mayers Guide to Picking Up Women: Singing 50 Shades of Grey Excerpts

John Mayer is less of a douche than before he banished himself to Montana.

Now back in the spotlight to promote his latest album, guy’s actually been pretty funny. Case in point? The unlucky-in-love crooner appeared on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon to discuss how he attempted to pick up a girl recently.

His technique: Excerpting Fifty Shades of Grey in song form.


John Mayer on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon (Part I)

“I was trying to impress her, and she had [the book] on her Kindle,” Mayer revealed. “And so I said, ‘I’m going to sing it to you.’”

“So I sang her one of the pages of Fifty Shades of Grey.”

Host Jimmy Fallon cracked up hearing Mayer recount his story. “Oh my gosh. And she died on the spot? She’s now dead?” he questioned.

“She fell to the ground … laughing,” Mayer admitted.

Safe to say that Mayer isn’t on people’s list of who should play Christian and Anastasia in the 50 Shades movie, but you can’t blame him for trying.


John Mayer on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon (Part II)

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Chris Brown Selling Condo, Neighbors Ecstatic

 Chris Brown Selling Condo, Neighbors Ecstatic

 Chris Brown Selling Condo, Neighbors Ecstatic

Chris Brown has put his West Hollywood condo on the market, and his neighbors are all just devastated to see him go. Only not at all. Only the reverse of that.

Brown originally got the lavish three-bedroom penthouse pad for $1.6 million in February of 2011, and has caused almost that many headaches since.

He’s now seeking $1.895 million. What buyer’s market?

thug life 400x562 Chris Brown Selling Condo, Neighbors Ecstatic

This pad is where he racked up $15,000 in parking tickets (95 of 117 which were thrown out on appeal) and where he was basically the neighbor from hell.

The singer was accused of wreaking havoc during all hours of the night, even vandalizing community property … allegations which he of course blamed on haters.

Anyway, all water under the out-of-control bridge now.

Brown’s neighbors can finally get some peace, quiet and a full night’s sleep … at least until some other crazy Hollywood star purchases it from him.

Lindsay Lohan is looking for a new pad. Just saying.

[Photo: Pacific Coast News]

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Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart: Caught Kissing in Cannes!

 Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart: Caught Kissing in Cannes!

 Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart: Caught Kissing in Cannes!

Cannes. It’s a place for film festivals and romance, both the nauseatingly contrived kind (Kim Kardashian and Kanye West) and the totally sweet and real and beautiful kind.

Isn’t that right, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart?

This adorable couple was videotaped getting cuddly and kissy this week at an after-party in honor of On the Road, the Jack Kerouac book-based drama that stars Stewart, Sam Riley and Garrett Hedlund. Watch the hot action for yourself in this video:

Stewart gets topless for a scene in the movie and recently said at a press conference that she was excited to take such a risk.

We have a feeling Pattinson went home on this night with the actress, though, and the two experienced a whole different kind of topless excitement. If you know what we mean!

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Chris Jericho Suspended by WWE for Brazilian Flag Stunt

 Chris Jericho Suspended by WWE for Brazilian Flag Stunt

 Chris Jericho Suspended by WWE for Brazilian Flag Stunt

The feuds in the WWE may be fake, but the uproar Chris Jericho created during a recent tour of South America is very real.

The long-time wrestling superstar has been suspended by the company for actions he took last night in a match against C.M. Punk., after Punk brought a Brazilian flag into the ring and Jericho grabbed it, crumpled it and tossed it away.

Such desecration is a crime punishable by jail time in the country.

chris jericho picture 387x514 Chris Jericho Suspended by WWE for Brazilian Flag Stunt

The flag stunt was not planned and police actually confronted Jericho about it inside the arena. He quickly took a microphone and expressed regret, but WWE officials have stepped in anyway.

“Chris Jericho has been suspended indefinitely due to an irresponsible act of denigrating the Brazilian flag at a WWE event in Sao Paulo on May 24. The WWE has apologized to the citizens and the government of Brazil for this incident,” the organization said in a statement.

[Photo: WENN.com]

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Kim Kardashian Threatens Lawsuit Over Drug-Fueled Tabloid Rumor

 Kim Kardashian Threatens Lawsuit Over Drug Fueled Tabloid Rumor

 Kim Kardashian Threatens Lawsuit Over Drug Fueled Tabloid Rumor

Kim Kardashian is many things: an attention-starved, personality-less waste of large breasts; a former sex tape star; a lying spokesperson.

But a pill popper? Someone who turns to Valium and other sleeping medicine when the pressures of work and romance become too much? This is where the reality star draws the legal line.

Sources confirm to TMZ that Kardashian has demanded her attorneys take action against any outlet that runs with the cover story in this week’s NW, an Australian tabloid that reports Kim has a drug problem.

kim kardashian pill popping cover 319x427 Kim Kardashian Threatens Lawsuit Over Drug Fueled Tabloid Rumor

The story quotes an anonymous source who says Kim has regularly “self-medicated” in the face of stress, starting when she first split with Reggie Bush.

Khloe Kardashian supposedly discovered a bottle of pills recently and has threatened to tell Kris Jenner and Kanye West unless Kim takes care of the issue.

Kim, meanwhile, is spending the week at the Cannes Film Festival. On Wednesday night, she and Kanye made their red carpet debut at that annual event.

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Amber Portwood: Jailed For Contempt of Court After Giving Up on Rehab!

 Amber Portwood: Jailed For Contempt of Court After Giving Up on Rehab!

 Amber Portwood: Jailed For Contempt of Court After Giving Up on Rehab!

That was fast. Only a week after being released from jail, troubled Teen Mom star Amber Portwood is already back there on contempt of court charges.

The 22-year-old was booked a little after 5 p.m. Thursday.

“Amber finally had enough. The system failed her, and that is all I can say,” brother Shawn Portwood said. Yes. The system failed. Good attitude.

“I really feel for my sister. She does not deserve to be there or anything that has happened to her. She is only there because of who she is.”

grade a screw up 519x337 Amber Portwood: Jailed For Contempt of Court After Giving Up on Rehab!

Amber Portwood has been struggling with the terms of her probation and was put behind bars a couple weeks ago for failing to appear in court.

She claims that was due to doctor’s orders to rest after surgery, but that turned out to actually be not true at all, so officials came and arrested her.

She was released from jail last Thursday, but it was apparently short-lived.

Yesterday, she showed up for her weekly drug court hearing, and basically threw in the towel on the entire rehab thing. Hey, at least she was honest.

Amber told the judge she hadn’t stayed clean and will always be a “bad girl,” so she’d rather just face prison time than deal with this charade anymore.

She may well get her wish after these recent antics.

The reality star’s probation stems from her arrest and subsequent jail time last December for drug possession. She violates probation quite a bit.

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Grant Bowler to Star in Lindsay Lohan "Liz & Dick" Movie

 Grant Bowler to Star in Lindsay Lohan "Liz & Dick" Movie

 Grant Bowler to Star in Lindsay Lohan "Liz & Dick" Movie

Lifetime has found a Dick for Lindsay Lohan.

The actress is scheduled to play Elizabeth Taylor in the Lifetime movie Liz & Dick, which chronicles the film icon’s fiery marriage with Richard Burton.

That would be Grant Bowler.

Cue the sexually-charged Lindsanity, folks, because according to the producer, Larry Thompson, there will be many steamy scenes between the couple.

lindsay lohan makeup 252x395 Grant Bowler to Star in Lindsay Lohan "Liz & Dick" Moviegrant bowler pic 267x396 Grant Bowler to Star in Lindsay Lohan "Liz & Dick" Movie

“It’s Fourth of July firecrackers going off in the room,” said Thompson of the two stars. “We knew from the chemistry that Liz and Dick live again.”

“Chemistry means movie magic for sex,” he continued, promising Lindsay Lohan nude, or as close has you can come to that on regular television.

“This movie will definitely have as much sex as Lifetime will allow.”

Well, cheers to that! As for the stars’ 18-year age difference?

“Richard Burton was quite older than Elizabeth Taylor. This is from a visual point of view just about equal to Liz and Dick. It is a perfect match.”

Bowler played a hunky werewolf named Cooter in True Blood Season 3, so we’re guessing he can handle a dolled-up Lindsay Lohan. Maybe.

[Photos: WENN.com]

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Etan Patz Case: Pedro Hernandez Arrested For Murder

 Etan Patz Case: Pedro Hernandez Arrested For Murder

 Etan Patz Case: Pedro Hernandez Arrested For Murder

Pedro Hernandez confessed to murdering Etan Patz yesterday, meaning that after more than three decades, the famous missing persons case may be over.

Hernandez, a former corner store worker, was arrested on suspicion of second-degree murder after he confessed to strangling 6-year-old Patz in 1979.

“He was remorseful, and I think the detectives thought it was a feeling of relief on his part,” New York police Commissioner Ray Kelly told the media.

Incredibly, today, May 25 marks the 33rd anniversary of the disappearance of Etan Patz, who became the nation’s first “milk carton child.”

The case sparked the movement to raise awareness of missing kids.

Etan vanished on his way to a New York bus stop, triggering a massive manhunt, but no sign of the little boy had ever been detected.

The Etan Patz case returned to the headlines last month when authorities re-launched the search, tearing up the basement of a nearby building.

Kelly said a recent tip led investigators to Hernandez, 51, a Maple Shade, N.J., resident with a teenage daughter. The commissioner said:

“In the years following Etan’s disappearance, Hernandez had told his family that he had ‘done a bad thing’ and killed a child in New York.”

On Wednesday night, Hernandez was questioned in New Jersey and then voluntarily returned with detectives to New York, says Kelly.

“He brought them to the scene of the crime, which is now a store that sells eye glasses,” says the commissioner.

“Hernandez described to the detectives how he lured young Etan from the school bus stop at West Broadway and Prince Street with the promise of a soda.”

“He then led him into the basement of the (store), choked him there, and disposed of the body by putting it into a plastic bag, and placing it into the trash.”

At the time, Hernandez was a 19-year-old stock clerk in the business and lived in an apartment nearby, says Kelly.

Kelly said investigators arrested Hernandez based on “the fact that he had told his story in the past, and the specificity of what he said in the confession.”

Hopefully, as horrible as this is, the family can finally have closure.

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Mitt Romney "Day One" Ads Preview Presidential Goals

 Mitt Romney "Day One" Ads Preview Presidential Goals

 Mitt Romney "Day One" Ads Preview Presidential Goals

Mitt Romney’s “Day One” ads, outlining what he’d do in his first 24 hours on the job, sure make it sound like he’d be a good President of the United States.

But are they realistic?

Some things he promises in the TV spots, such as expediting the Keystone pipeline and ending Obamacare, he probably could do, or at least play a major role in.

Others, such as lifting job-killing regulations and lowering the unemployment rate, are more nebulous. It’s easier to run for President than to be President.

Watch the ads below and see what the Republican’s presidency would look like … or at least how he envisions it in an idealized campaign commercial.

If they election were today, for whom would you vote?

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Demi Lovato and Britney Spears Tweet X Factor Audition Excitement

 Demi Lovato and Britney Spears Tweet X Factor Audition Excitement

 Demi Lovato and Britney Spears Tweet X Factor Audition Excitement

The first promo for The X Factor season 2 asks viewers if they’re ready for a pair of very famous new judges.

But what about those judges themselves? Demi Lovato and Britney Spears sure sounded ready today when they touched down in Austin, Texas for their very first round of auditions.

britney spears at x factor auditions 235x375 Demi Lovato and Britney Spears Tweet X Factor Audition Excitementdemi lovato in austin 234x375 Demi Lovato and Britney Spears Tweet X Factor Audition Excitement

“So excited to be going to Austin this week for @TheXFactorUSA auditions!” Spears, who was accompanied to Austin with Jason Trawick, Tweeted. “Will I see any of y’all there on Thurs or Fri?”

Added Lovato via the same social network:

“It’s my first day… woo hoo!! Who’s coming??!!! #XFACTORUSA.”

Approximately 200 hopefuls will face Demi, Britney, Simon Cowell and L.A. Reid during four three-hour show tapings over the next couple days. And from there, it’s off to another city… and then another… and then another.

Which of the new panelists has you most excited?

UPDATE: A source tells TMZ that Spears walked off the set a few contestants in after a singer butchered her song, “Hold It Against Me.” It’s unclear if she was upset or just needed a break, but a few subsequent crooners auditioned in front of one empty chair.

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