In news that will make horny horses with Playboy subscriptions and sucio fucks with skeleton fetishes pop simultaneous boners, Michaele Salahi, the White House party crasher and star of The Real Housewives of DC, will bare her nipples and crotch in the pages of Playboy Magazine. Playboy must have outbid Horse & Hound Magazine for this honor.

TMZ says that Michaele will go fully nekkid ass nekkid and won’t leave anything to the part of your imagination marked “HORROR!!!“. Ann Coulter’s separated in hell twin will pose for Playboy later this month. Playboy hasn’t decided yet if they are putting her on the cover. If Michaele is going to be in Playboy’s annual Halloween or bestiality issue, then she definitely should grace the cover.

And in related news, the world’s top programmers, scientists, engineers, witch doctors and magicians are working on the new version of Photoshop right now.

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He just loves opening up his mouth!
Yesterday, Ne-Yo criticized T.I.’s recent drug arrest – where Ecstasy pills were found in the car of his and his wife Tameka Cottle’s car – by telling the press, “I just feel that he makes a lot of poor decisions when it comes to the people that he surrounds [...]

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Have a safe and happy holiday weekend – now, let’s play!

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The Summer is coming to a close and we’re reminiscing about some of the hottest shirtless and bikini moments of the season! Our favorite stars revealed their enviable bodies with swimsuit-filled vacations, family trips to the beach, and sexy shirtless time. Jennifer Aniston was the big winner in our 2010 Bikini Bracket and Taylor Lautner took the top spot in our annual Hottest Shirtless Guy competition. It was definitely a Summer to remember, so take a look at our roundup of the sexiest celebs hitting the beaches, yachts, and pools in exotic locations around the world!

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Kanye West woke up this morning on his solid gold throne feeling like he just wanted to dip himself into a cyber vat of holy water and wash off a few layers of his ego by apologizing to Taylor Swift for imma-ing her at the VMAs last year…among other things.

Kanye slid into the confessional booth opposite Father Twitter Bird and confessed that he wrote a special song for Taylor and that the media has wrongfully portrayed him as an angry white girl hater who represents the word ASSHOLE on Google Images. Note: George Bush, St. Angie Jolie and Gene Simmons are all on the first two pages when you Google “asshole,” but Kanye is not. But does he show up on the second page when you Google “egomaniac.” FYI.

Kanye’s entire new life manifesto is after the jump. It’s a holiday weekend so Kanye’s CAPS LOCK KEY has the day off. Kanye had to SHIFT this bitch.

If you think this is going to make your eyes invent a new kind of roll, let me just tell you that one of his Tweets starts with “Remember in Anchor Man when Ron Burgandy…” You can’t fully throw hate on Kanye’s Bible of Self-Revelations when he brings Anchor Man (and WICKED) into it. Warning: It’s longer than you can ever EVER imagine.

Slide into the booth with Kanye and JUMP!

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DISCLAIMER:All content within this section is pure rumor and generally have no factual info outside of what the streets have whispered in our ear. Read on.WHO: illseedWHAT: Rumors, Funnies, Fails and more!WHERE: illseed.com, twitter.com.illseedHOW: Send your rumors, sightings and ill pics to illseed at allhiphoprumors@gmail.com. THE DAILY TWO SENSE Mannnnn…Its Labor Day weekend in America and I don’t feel like doing anything. I know there’s more going on, but I’m just covering…(read more)

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Our final gorgeous Emmy red carpet PopSugar’s Retail Therapy creation is inspired by Claire Danes’s shimmery peach stunner. You’ll find it in your closet and catalog, but you’ll want to act quickly; it’s only available until Tuesday. There are so many red carpet gowns to choose from, and we’ve already debuted game dresses inspired by Christina Hendricks’s lavender Zac Posen, Lea Michele’s navy dress, Sofia Vergara’s yellow gown, Jane Lynch’s purple number, and Keri Russell’s pink vintage pick. There are also new hair and makeup styles to complete your look. Be sure to check back often; we’re introducing a different Emmys-inspired dress every day this week! Plus, our amazing bag giveaway is still going on, so don’t forget to enter!

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Jesus Luz hit the beach in Rio de Janeiro on Friday, and while Madonna wasn’t along for the fun, the May-December couple appears to be going strong after almost two years together. The pair first struck up a romance after meeting during a steamy shoot for W Magazine in 2008. With nearly 30 years between them – Jesus is now 23 while Madonna just turned 53 – there were plenty of naysayers who said the relationship would never last. Still, the Brazilian model has spent time with Madonna’s children, showed an interest in Kabbalah, and even blended into her circle of friends. What do you think – are you amazed that they’ve made it this far?

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Tiger, the brave pussy who saved her 97-year-old owner from getting mauled by a pack of memaw hungry pit bulls!

Sophie Thomas was primping and pruning her petals in her front yard when she felt the heat of danger singeing into her delicate and pure skin. A gang of pit bulls from next door circled around her with a look in their eyes that told Sophie they were thirsty for Metamucil-infused blood! One of the pit bulls bit at Sophie’s arm which caused her to fall back and scream.

And then, a cold wind blew through the yard and the faint sound of Michael Jackson’s “Bad” whispered out of a radio sitting near Sophie’s kitchen window. The pit bulls turned and in swooped WONDER PUSSY! Tiger gave a wink, puckered her lips and ran off. Tiger’s plan worked and the pit bulls chased after her giving Sophie a chance to escape into the house.

As Sophie cleaned her wounds, her mind wandered over to the dark image of her feline savior getting torn a part by the pit bulls. But that picture was quickly erased when Sophie saw Tiger at the front door carrying one of the pit bull’s heads in her mouth. No, she didn’t have a dog head in her mouth, but she would’ve if she didn’t feel like letting those pit bulls go with just a warning. Those dogs should be thanking the pussy gods above that Tiger was feeling charitable that day.

And we should also give thanks, because now the name Tiger will make us think of a granny saving wonder cat instead of a vaginaholic golfer who sticks it in anything that’s lubed up. VIVA TIGER!

Video below:

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Cameron Diaz stopped to grab takeout in NYC on Thursday. The actress celebrated her 38th birthday earlier this week, which meant a night out on the town with her girls and Alex Rodriguez. Other than her bikini-filled weekend in CA, Cameron has called the Big Apple home since wrapping up her promotional duties for Knight and Day. She’s cheered on A-Rod’s milestone Summer with the Yankees and as the regular season nears its end we’ll see if she gets the good luck charm reputation during playoff time like his lady love from last year, Kate Hudson.

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