Out of the Rough: DNA Test Proves Tiger Woods NOT Devon James’ Baby Daddy!

June 24, 2010


Tiger Woods may have stuck his driver in one too many open bags (if you know what we mean!) – but new evidence proves these extra practice rounds did NOT lead to the one result for which a golfer can never take a mulligan:

A baby.

Over the last couple weeks, Devon James – mistress number… who the heck knows at this point?!? – has claimed to anyone with a microphone that Tiger is the father of her nine-year old son.

She stuck by this statement even after sources confirmed the existence of a DNA test that disproved Woods’ paternity. Now, that test has actually been made public.

Giving credit to Kikster.com for breaking the news, TMZ has in its possession documents that say Devon was made aware in 2002 that her son is the child of some dude named Pele Watkins.

Tiger

If there was ever a reason for a fist pump…

In fact, according to science, there’s a .001% chance that anyone other than Watkins is the dad. So you can breathe a major sigh of relief, Tiger.

To understand how low those odds are, consider: they are the same as Elin ever taking you back.

Snooki’s grand slam!

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After she dumped her fidelity-challenged boyfriend via voicemail in April, it should come as no surprise that Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi doesn’t tolerate tall-tales from men. The pint-sized powerhouse told In Touch about the time she hit a date where it hurts after trapping him in a web of lies. “He told me he was going off to war, but he wasn’t going off to war, and I found out,” the Jersey Shore star told In Touch at the Grown Ups premiere in New York on June 23. “So obviously, he was looking for one thing, and one thing only. But then I slammed the door on him” — and it caught him in a particularly sensitive area! “You know in Grease, how Sandy slammed the guy? Yeah, that’s what I did!” she laughed. Despite her breakups with bad boys, the MTV star is still “snookin’” for love. “I want a guy who knows how to have fun and be dorky like me. Nobody shy. But they have to have the muscles, and go GTL or I’m not interested!” she added. Season two of Jersey Shore returns to MTV on July 29.

Out & About

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Brittany Snow and boyfriend Ryan Rottman attended the Tribeca Film and American Express TiMER DVD release event in LA.

Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott celebrated their daughter Stella’s second birthday with a Barbie-themed party and BornFree products at their LA home.

Blake Lively was spotted using the Elizabeth Grant Socializer pen in New York. To snag her favorite beauty item for 60% off, visit http://www.theluxuryspot.com/deals.

On Farts and Nudity: Eclipse Stars Talk Tent Scene


It’s the most famous scene in Eclipse, perhaps even in the entire Twilight Saga: Bella, Edward and Jacob all end up in a single tent, as the former snuggles up to the latter and…

… we don’t wanna ruin it for anyone that hasn’t read the book.

But Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner and Kristen Stewart sat down with the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly and discussed putting these words on screen.

Shooting the scene took two days, Lautner said, referring to it as “my favorite, because it’s the first time Edward and Jacob are actually able to connect and understand each other.”

Double HotnessKristen on EW

Pattinson describes the final outcome as “erotic,” with Stewart explaining why:

“In the book there’s a serious sexual tension. As I’m sleeping, Jacob is staring over my vulnerable body, and he’s naked in this f- - -ing sleeping bag because you heat up faster that way, and Jacob and Edward are leveling with each other.

From there, the pair exhibited the kind of chemistry that has helped make the Twilight Saga so huge – and, let’s face it, has made Rob and Kristen a couple, even if they won’t admit it.

This is the exchange that concluded this excerpt from the interview:

Pattinson: I can’t really get over the fact that the word thought sounds like fart.
Stewart: The word thought does not sound like fart.
Pattinson: It does.
Stewart: Maybe because you are an English person.
Pattinson: The opening line of that scene is “Can you at least keep your farts to yourself?” I couldn’t quite get over that.

Sigh. We just love this pair, don’t you?

RHNY’s Sonja Morgan speaks out about her DUI


Throughout her season debut, The Real Housewives of New York City’s Sonja Morgan managed to stay above the fray, but in May, the Bravo reality star got into some hot water off-camera when she was arrested for DUI while celebrating Memorial Day weekend in the Hamptons. Despite the publicized police report, Sonja asks her fans to reserve judgment. “Don’t believe everything you read!” she told In Touch at the Grown Ups premiere in New York on June 23. Sonja was arrested after being pulled over for failing to halt at a stop sign in the early hours of May 31. “I love it in Southampton, but if you don’t stop at a sign, they’ll pull you over. But my daughter is safe, everyone is safe there. There are rules you have to follow.”

Michaele and Tareq Salahi to Pen Book, Continue Being Awful Human Beings


It’s incredible but true: Danielle Staub may not be the most despicable reality star on the planet.

That dishonor now falls on Michaele and Tareq Salahi, the White House crashers who have been confirmed as cast members on The Real Housewives of D.C.

The attention-starved wastes of space are planning a memoir about the security breach that caused them to end up at a party with the President in November. According to The New York Post, they’ll write the book with investigative reporter Diane Dimond.

The Salahis

Dimond says the tome will “reveal the truth… of who the Salahis really are… It just never added up to me that someone could sneak in – past the [security] perimeter, no less! As I began to investigate, I realized the Salahis’ story is much bigger than what’s been reported.”

We’re begging you, America: don’t encourage these people. Don’t buy this book.

Jennifer Aniston: It’s (Not Even Close to) Baby Time!


Slow news week? Check.

Fake Jennifer Aniston baby news? Check!

DO NOT BUY OK! Magazine. Please. Save your money, and send a message to the celebrity gossip publication’s editors that they need to work a little harder.

Seriously, you’d think by the 12th time of fabricating Jennifer Aniston’s “baby plans,” they’d at least try to think of some NEW lies to vaguely relay to us …

Baby Time!

YES, I’M HAVING A BABYsaid some friend of hers.

The mag hilariously promises a sneak peek at an interview “everybody is going to be talking about.” What is there to talk about, other than it’s completely untrue?

The article contains exclusive details regarding these topics:

  • What the star is doing to prepare
  • Why Jen’s finally ready now
  • Who the daddy might be

Our theories: aggressive sexuality, she’s not, and nobody.

There, we just saved your time and money. You’re welcome. Get it together, OK! Can’t you make stuff up about Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt sneaking around behind Angelina Jolie’s back – that would at least be a moderately interesting lie.

Random Celebrity Sighting of the Week: Ali Fedotowsky and Jennifer Love Hewitt


Upon first glance, we were taken aback when we saw photos of Ali Fedotowsky and Jennifer Love Hewitt hanging out last night.

Incredibly, both beauties attended Drag Queen Bingo at Hamburger Mary’s in West Hollywood and got along like old pals, exchanging phones numbers so they could “hang out again soon,” Hewitt said.

But the more one thinks about these two, the more their friendship makes perfect sense. With the obvious exception of Jake Pavelka (you’re in your own stratosphere, buddy, don’t worry), what other celebrities profit as much from their failed love life as Ali and Jennifer?

Ali Fedotowsky and Jennifer Love HewittAli and JLH

Ali will soon pretend to fall for a guy on The Bachelorette and then make new headlines a few months from now when they break up and she sells her tale of heartbreak to the nearest tabloid.

Hewitt, meanwhile, doesn’t even have a show any longer. She remains relevant by whining about her love life.

Similarities aside, we must ask: Between Ali and JLH, who would you rather…

LuAnn de Lesseps: Done with The Real Housewives of New York City?


The Real Housewives are dropping like flies. Rich, spoiled, self-centered flies.

Dina Manzo exited the New Jersey version of this Bravo series a couple weeks ago, while Bethenny Frankel has made it clear she prefers her own show to The Real Housewives of New York City.

Might LuAnn de Lesseps be the next to go? It’s possible, says this Countess.

“We haven’t been asked back yet. Let’s see if the show is renewed for another season and then we’ll see,” she told People magazine. “I’m going to cross that bridge when I get to it.”

LuAnn de Lesseps Picture

If the reality TV career of de Lesseps has come to an end, don’t cry for her.

Following the painful release of her single, “Money Can’t Buy You Class,” the Countess has signed a deal with Ultra Records and is working on a new song, “Chic, C’est La Vie.” She’d also love to model again.

“I would love, of course, to be the new face of Arden. Just putting it out there, just in case.”

Jake Pavelka Slams “Jealous” Vienna Girardi, Will Appear on The Bachelorette AND Bachelor Pad


As if the utter transparency of Jake Pavelka’s fake relationship with Vienna Girardi weren’t obvious enough, the two will clash – gasp – on The Bachelorette!

The two will square off on the July 5 episode, but The Bachelor star isn’t holding back in the meantime, slamming his lame ex-fiancee for her poor conduct.

“There was a serious lack of respect in the relationship,” he tells Extra regarding rumors of Vienna’s infidelity.” I would like to think that she didn’t cheat.”

The pilot said he was “shocked” when Girardi sold her story. “What did I ever do to you that you would go and sell your story to a magazine,” he asked.

“Is being famous that important to you?”

LOL. Said the man who’s starred on three, going on four reality shows. Sure, Vienna is a total fame whore … but she’s not the one who won’t put out.

Jilted Jake

Jake Pavelka milks the end of his fake relationship for all it’s worth.

Jake adds angrily: “If you don’t want to be with me, that’s OK. But there’s a very amicable way to split relationships up and she did it the wrong way!”

Pavelka hilariously insists that Girardi resented his rising celebrity, including stints on Dancing with the Stars and the Lifetime series Drop Dead Diva.

“Fame changes people,” he told Extra‘s Mario Lopez. “She feels Dancing with the Stars should have been hers, but in my view, I felt like it was ours.”

“She started to get insanely jealous over these wonderful things happening in life. I saw her frustrations, so I tried to include her in everything I did.”

Naturally, despite the hearbreak, Jake Pavelka will reunite with Vienna Girardi on The Bachelorette to generate more publicity set the record straight.

“Hopefully, it’s gonna be some closure,” he says. “America was there and stood with us at the birth of our relationship. I think I owe it to them and to myself and Vienna to let everybody be there at the end of it. So everybody understands it was real.”

Frankly, Jake, if you owe us anything, it’s to give it a f*%king rest. The birth of your relationship? You got engaged on THE BACHELOR and were cast on a different reality show THE SAME NIGHT as the season finale. The agenda is quite clear.

Pavelka will also show up on this summer’s Bachelor Pad as a judge. Hey, you can only sit at home and cry about a contrived breakup for so long.

Fake CoupleJienna

Whose side are you on in the Breakup of the Century?