Sheryl Crow once crooned that “the first cut is the deepest.”

For American Idol last night, the first four cuts were the most erroneous. Let’s analyze each below:

Joe Munoz over Tim Urban?!? The latter might be cute, but did you see the look of shock on his face after Ryan told Tim he was safe? Did viewers really do Urban a favor by keeping him around and ensuring his weak vocal skills will be torn apart again and again until America comes to its senses?

Tyler Grady over Jermaine Sellers?!? We weren’t fans of Grady’s 1970s-inspired gimmick, either. But he made a great point (which Simon acknowledged, if you read his lips) about the judges selecting him for the semifinals… but then jumping all over him for the same schtick that got him there.

It would have been nice to have seen if Tyler had more to offer going forward, especially compared to the over-emotional nonsense that Sellers through our way this week.

Janell Wheeler over Haeley Vaughn?!? Yes, Wheeler chose the wrong song. She’s not a rocker. But Vaughn comes across like some sort of frightening, dressed-up doll. She just looks awkward on stage and her rendition of “I Want to Hold Your Hand” wasn’t strong.

Ashley Rodriguez over Lacey Brown?!? Brown was really bad and Ashley is really good looking. Come on, voters!

At least we got to see Allison Iraheta and Kris Allen perform. And at least we can still look forward to Crystal Bowersox, Didi Benami and Andrew Garcia next week. But this was a poor start for the viewing public.

Did you agree with who was sent home? As you ponder that question, check out a few photos below from the first results show of season nine:

Filed under: American Idol
by Hilton Hater
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It’s a good thing Levi Johnston posed for Playgirl: as a result, he should be able to actually support his son.

An Alaskan judge has sided with Bristol Palin and ordered Levi to pay $18,500 in back child support for 13-month-old son Tripp. The deadbeat father could have saved about $18,485 if he had just bought a pack of condoms back in the day.

Johnston must also shell out $1,688.42 per month in child support.

Their sham of an engagement over, Bristol and Levi have gone from making public appearances to support Sarah Palin’s political future to fighting it out in a courtroom.

“Bristol is pleased with the court rulings today and looks forward to resolving the remaining issues with Levi,” said lawyer Thomas Van Flein, one of the few family employees that has not resigned due to Sarah Palin’s selfish lunacy.

Bristol was present in the courtroom for the ruling. Johnston was not.

“I have received limited and sporadic financial assistance from Levi,” she said in a statement, citing Johnston’s $105,000 in 2009 earnings, versus his meager payments to her of $4,400.

Where will the pair go from here? Johnston might actually guest star on Desperate Housewives, while Bristol is booked for a hypocritical appearance on The Secret Life of an American Teenager. It’s an ironic title for a show on which she’ll cameo.

After all, Sarah Palin has gone out of her way to make sure Bristol’s life is anything but secret.

Filed under: Bristol Palin - Levi Johnston
by Hilton Hater
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The Andrew Koenig saga has ended in tragedy.

Almost two weeks since the former Growing Pains actor went missing, Koenig was found dead yesterday in a wooded area of a downtown park where he often spent time. All indications point to suicide.

Said actor’s father, Walter Koenig: “My son took his own life… If you can learn anything from this, it’s that there are people out there who really care, and you may not think so, and ultimately it may not be enough, but… before you make that final decision, check it out again, talk to somebody.”

Police spokeswoman Jana McGuinness simply echoed that sentiment: “I’ll let Mr. Koenig’s words speak for themselves.”

Speaking at a press conference at the park, McGuinness said foul play was not an issue, but added she could not elaborate until the coroner completed the investigation.

Koenig recurred on the 1980s sitcom as Richard “Boner” Stabone. His last television appearance took place in 1993 on an episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Our thoughts go out to his family.

Filed under: Andrew Koenig - R.I.P.
by Hilton Hater
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Earlier this month, a Los Angeles coroner confirmed that Casey Johnson died of diabetes-related complications. He specifically cited an issue known as “diabetic ketoacidosis,” which is caused by a lack of insulin.

Yesterday afternoon, meanwhile, the L.A. County Coroner’s Office released the official autopsy report for Johnson’s death and it revealed a few details related to the tragedy:

• Casey’s body was free from injury of any kind.
• Multiple medications found at the scene included Motrin, insulin and clonazepam.
• The report cites a “possible excess use of Nyquil.”
• No illegal drugs were found in Johnson’s system.

Two sad notes related to the Johnson & Johnson family heiress: her death was preventable if she had taken better care of herself; and her body may have been found on January 4, but it lay in her home, undiscovered, for days.

Filed under: casey johnson
by Hilton Hater
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When three reality TV D-listers collide in one photo, there’s no telling what will happen. Except us asking which one of ‘em you’d most like to … you know.

On the left, Jersey Shore star Angelina Pivarnick, a.k.a. the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island, a.k.a. the girl who quit after one episode and now regrets it.

In the middle, Real Housewives of New Jersey prostitution whore Danielle Staub. On the right, former Living Lohan star and worst mom ever Dina Lohan.

They were all at some event this week. What it was, we can’t recall right now. A reality TV convention for washed up non-stars? Who’s to say. But tell us …

Who would you rather …

Filed under: Angelina Pivarnick - Danielle Staub - Dina Lohan - Who Would You Rather ...
by Free Britney
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