In a new interview with Playboy, John Mayer makes sure to say that he’s NOT a douchebag.

He then spends the entire interview proving why so many people consider him to be a giant douchebag.

We’ll let Mayer dig his own douchey grave below, as he recounts what it was like to sleep with Jessica Simpson and why he and Jennifer Aniston broke up…

On sex with Simpson: That girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy… It was like sexual napalm. Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just f*ckin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*ck you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f*cking you.’”

On Aniston: That woman was the most communicative, sweetest, kindest person.

On their break-up: There was a rumor that I’d been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn’t it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter… She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction.

THG note: In other words… that was it.

On current sex life: I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don’t like jumping through hoops.

On NOT being a douchebag: From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the s*** out of me. I’ve been trying to prove to people I’m not a douchebag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That’s f*cked up, man. I’m not dating. I’m not even f*cking. So now I’m going to experiment with ‘f*ck you.’

John, your dating life has nothing to do with the public’s perception of you. What might make people think you’re a douchebag?

Rambling, nonsensical interviews about masturbation and sexual napalm that make you sound like an attention-hungry tool. Or, to use a more apt description: a douchebag.

** UPDATE: WHOA! New excerpts from the interview have been leaked, and they paint Mayer as far more than just a douchebag. Read below.

Mayer: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.

Playboy: Because you’re very?

Mayer: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a n*gger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”

Playboy: Do black women throw themselves at you?”

Mayer: I don’t think I open myself to it. My d*ck is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f*ckin’ David Duke c*ck. I’m going to start dating separately from my d*ck.

THG note: What the heck is wrong with this guy?!?

Filed under: John Mayer
by Hilton Hater
Comments Off

While Kim Kardashian is off celebrating the Saints Super Bowl victory with Reggie Bush, it sounds like her sister has far more pressing issues to deal with in her relationship.

If you believe skeezy supermarket tabloids, that is.

The latest issue of In Touch Weekly claims Kourtney has been betrayed – sorry, BETRAYED! – by her baby’s daddy, Scott Disick.

As you can see, the cover claims that Scott was caught with another woman and Kourtney discovered suspcious text messages on his phone, Elin Nordegren style.

The odds of either of these stories being backed up with evidence? Lower than Jake Pavelka actually marrying this season’s winner on The Bachelor.

The odds that the Kardashian PR team paid to have this cover story made, in order for Kourtney to deny it and garner sympathy/attention? Very high.

There actually might be some legitimacy to accusations that Disick is not the father of Mason Dash, though. Rumors that Michael Girgenti actually implanted his semen into Kourtney started to spread in December.

Filed under: Kourtney Kardashian - Scott Disick
by Hilton Hater
Comments Off

Heidi Montag didn’t bare much in her 2009 Playboy pictorial, but now that she’s undergone 10 plastic surgery procedures in just one day, she’s planning to show off almost all of her new self. According to insiders, the reality star has been offered $500,000 to debut her brand-new DDD boobs in a photo shoot. “Heidi loves her new body, but she’s especially happy about her breast implants,” her friend explains. “She could use the money, and she’s finally ready to pose topless, so she is negotiating with the magazine.”

For more on all the latest celebrity news, check out this week’s issue of In Touch, on newsstands Friday!

Filed under: InTouch - Latest News
by In Touch Weekly Magazine
No Comments »

Will Ali Fedotowsky return to The Bachelor after her dramatic, not-at-all-staged exit on Monday’s “shocking” episode? All signs obviously point to a contrived yes.

Ali, a 25-year-old advertising account manager with Facebook in San Francisco, Ca., abruptly left at the end of this week’s Bachelor episode to return to her position.

After Fedotowsky’s boss gave her an ultimatum – quit the show or lose your job – Bachelor star Jake Pavelka wouldn’t “guarantee” he’d give her the final rose.

So Ali up and left … but for how long?!?

“We haven’t seen or heard the last from Ali,” host / pimp Chris Harrison says. “I think everyone saw that it was unresolved when she left. You could tell that they both definitely were falling in love with each other, if not already.”

“Tey’re definitely not done talking about this with each other.”

SO SAD: Chris says Jake “has strong feelings” for Ali Fedotowsky.

“Jake said it was tough to watch her leave again last night,” Harrison recalled. “I asked if he considered promising Ali that she was the one so she would stay, and Jake said, ‘Well, she wasn’t the one. She was one of the front runners.’”

“He said she needed to decide on her own and he didn’t want to be desperate and beg, but he really didn’t want her to go,” and Ali certainly struggled with the choice.

“She loves her job and we tried to make it work, but in the end her boss said you’ve got to choose,” he says. “Do you want to do the show or do you want your job?”

He adds that fans shouldn’t give her a hard time: “You want to be the romantic, but you can’t fault her for loving her career.” Especially not in this economy, right?

That leaves Vienna Girardi, Tenley Molzahn and Gia Allemand fighting for Jake’s final rose … unless Ali makes a surprise return, as hinted in next week’s preview.

Who should Jake Pavelka choose on The Bachelor?

Filed under: Ali Fedotowsky - Chris Harrison - Jake Pavelka - The Bachelor
by Free Britney
Comments Off

Dr. Conrad Murray, who was charged with involuntary manslaughter in the death of Michael Jackson, is planning on returning to everyday life while awaiting trial.

The doctor will soon be back at work, Dr. Murray’s spokesperson, Miranda Sevcik, confirmed. The Houston-based physician will be heading back there shortly.

“Dr. Murray is still in L.A. He is planning to leave to go back to work in a few days,” she said. Why anyone would see that dude as a patient, we can’t imagine.

Conrad Murray posted $75,000 bail and slipped out of court Monday, dodging an angry mob of Michael Jackson fans that greeted him outside his arraignment.

Judge Keith Schwartz placed limitations on Dr. Murray’s medical practice, explicitly telling Dr. Murray to not administer, prescribe or possess the drug Propofol.

That powerful anesthetic is believed to have caused the death of the icon in June, evidenced by LAPD investigating and the Michael Jackson autopsy report.

Judge Schwartz also told Dr. Murray he was not to heavily sedate anyone. It’s amazing he’s even allowed to practice, but he is innocent until proven guilty.

Dr. Murray’s next court appearance is April 5, at which time a judge will set a date for the preliminary hearing to determine when and if he will stand trial.

Filed under: Dr. Conrad Murray
by Free Britney
Comments Off

Lying about pregnancy is sooooo last week. The new attention-grabbing fad?

Inventing a stalker! Isn’t that right, Tila Tequila?

With buzz dying down over her fake baby, the extraordinarily troubled celebrity has resorted to a new story in order to remain in the news: someone is supposedly stalking her.

Police cars were summoned to Tila’s San Fernando Valley house yesterday, as they responded to a distress call from the reality TV star. She claimed there was a man in a car sitting outside her property and that he had been there for two weeks.

In a stunning turn of events, though, officers searched the scene and found no trace of anyone. But Tila insists she’s telling the truth.

“There’s been a psycho stalker and he’s getting closer to my door and tried to get in,” she lied to Radar Online. “He’s been sitting in the rain for days trying to say hi to me. He put his eye up to my door and was trying to peek in.”

Hmmm… we wonder if he saw her making love to her baby daddy in that case.

Last April, Tequila claimed someone broke into her home and posted messages on her Twitter account. Police were suspicious because the messages were actually coherent and full of truth, but no arrests were made.

Filed under: Stalking - Tila Tequila
by Hilton Hater
Comments Off

Rumors are swirling that if you drive down I-35 in Minnesota, you’ll see a billboard featuring a smiling George W. Bush accompanied by the question “Miss me yet?”

This was initially discredited as a photoshopped hoax, but it’s real. But the dual mysteries surrounding who paid for the ad, and their motivation, remain.

Are they Obama supporters sarcastically hoping to remind people about George W., or Bush fans sincerely yearning for the “good” days of the past administration?

Mary McNamara, the manager at the Minneapolis office of Schubert & Hoey Outdoor Advertising, the company which owns and leases out the billboard, says:

“The ad was purchased by a group of small business owners who wish to remain anonymous.” However, “some people in the group were Obama supporters.”

McNamara added that the message the group hoped to convey was one of “Hope and change, where is it?” She went on to say that she has yet to receive any negative feedback about the ad, which has been up for a few weeks.

Not everyone buys that. Cindy Erickson, the chairwoman of the Democratic Party in Chisago County, where the billboard is located, suspects the ad’s funders are in actuality conservative activists posing as Obama supporters.

“I don’t have any idea who did it, but my thought was that they’re Tea Party people,” she said. “Regardless, it’s been the subject of many conversations around here.”

Minnesota was a “blue” state in ’08, but Chisago is part of a Republican-leaning string of suburban counties that Obama lost about 55-45 in the presidential election.

While it’s subject to interpretation, Obama has been under fire (and hitting back) of late. Has George W., however unwittingly, joined Sarah Palin in laying into him?

What do you think of the Bush billboard?

Filed under: Barack Obama - George W. Bush
by Free Britney
Comments Off

Snooki has found love.

With a personal trainer at Gold’s Gym in New Haven, Connecticut.

Anybody out there the slightest bit surprised with this development? Didn’t think so. The “lucky” man is 21-year-old Emilio Masella, also known as Emilio Antonio.

“We met on Facebook over a year ago,” Masella tells People. “We started talking online again before the show even started airing and started hanging out again.”

A few days ago, Masella said he and Snooki, also known as Nicole Polizzi, began being “exclusive.” “We have a lot in common,” he says. “Our features, I think.”

“It’s really weird but we do [look alike]. It’s cute though!”

Just the word we would have chosen …

Emilio Masella and Snooki: Made for each other.

In their spare time, the couple goes to parties and clubs for her official appearances, but, “When she’s not working, we watch movies and relax so she can be normal for once. … We wanted to go see Dear John but we didn’t have time!”

While he’s fine with the amount of attention his famous girlfriend gets, he admits that “after awhile, it does get annoying, but it’s all right – it’s kind of expected.”

Despite all the fame and flashbulbs that surround Snooki, Masella says he likes her for who she is, not the “character” portrayed on the MTV show Jersey Shore.

“Honestly, I think that what they show on the show, that’s not really her,” he says. “She’s actually really sweet and down-to-earth. It doesn’t show her other side.”

“She really just speaks what on her mind. She tells it how it is, which is nice. She likes me for me. A lot of girls hit on me for how I look, but she got to know me.”

Emilio Masella also says that while he’s just now begun calling her his “girlfriend,” he’s already met her parents and may even appear on Season 2 of Jersey Shore.

Filed under: Nicole Polizzi
by Free Britney
Comments Off

Thank goodness it’s Hollywood week on American Idol. Goodbye embarrassing contestants, hello major talent!

Before we get to that talent, however, let’s also greet Ellen DeGeneres… with open arms. Wasn’t she great on her first night as a judge? The comedian was funny (we loved when she had singers moving all around the stage before letting each one through), but also fresh and straightforward.

Ellen won’t be Paula Abdul 2.0, sugarcoating every critique and covering up bad performances by telling the contestants how nice they look. She’ll bring the criticism, but in a humorous fashion, such as when she told one dude his routine “scared” her and resembled a leopard stalking his prey.

There were also no contrived cat fights, nothing that Ellen did to bring attention to herself. She seemed steady, focused and, of course, funny.

As for the best of the night…

Didi Benami has finalist written all over her. She came across as a more polished Brooke White, strumming her guitar and bringing an emotional singer/songwriter vibe. Probably our favorite performance.

But the “infectious, real” Crystal Bowersox, as Simon put it, was a close second. She also relied on her guitar and had fellow contestants applauding before she even completed “Natural Woman.”

The third impressive female was Haeley Vaughn. Only 16, she offers a unique pop/country sound and a healthy dose of charisma. We were very happy to see her advance.

Two men stood out, as well:

1. Andrew Garcia proved that guitar-playing was a theme for the top performers so far, impressing the judges with a soulful acousting rendition of “Straight Up.” We wouldn’t refer to him as “genius” or compare him to Adam Lambert (closer to Kris Allen), as Kara did, but certainly someone to keep an eye on.
2. The same can be said for Casey James, and not just because he took off his shirt for his initial, pre-Hollywood audition. We loved his bluesy number… played with the help of a guitar, of course.

Watch all five of these performances in our American Idol video section and then let us know: WHO WAS YOUR FAVORITE?

Filed under: American Idol - Crystal Bowersox - Didi Benami - Haeley Vaughn
by Hilton Hater
Comments Off

Paris Hilton is really interested in becoming Mrs. Doug Reinhardt. Why, we have absolutely no idea, but she’s making no secret about her intentions.

The hotel heiress has already dropped hints about wanting to marry The Hills regular, but she took it to a whole new level this past weekend in L.A.

“I’d like to thank my future sister-in-law Casey [Reinhardt],” Hilton said from the podium while accepting an award from the Hearts for Hope benefit.

Doug wasn’t there, but both his mom and sister – who you may recall from Laguna Beach as a classmate of Lauren Conrad and Kristin Cavallari – were.

Talk about dropping hints: “At one point, Paris reached for Doug’s mother’s huge wedding ring,” says a witness. “She looked like she was in awe.”

Doug Reinhardt, you better put on a ring on it!

If Doug Reinhardt does decide to propose soon, we think his family approves.

In fact, the Reinhardts are apparently such big fans of Paris, they’ll even pay to hang out with her! Yes, we know, it’s really strange to try to comprehend that.

“Paris auctioned off a party picnic at her house for charity, and the bidding went all the way up to $6,000,” says an E! source. “Even though Casey can obviously party at Paris’ house anytime for free, she went ahead and took the final bid.”

In May, Paris gushed that “[Doug's] gonna be my future husband!” They’ll be registering at Williams-Sonoma and Crate & Barrel soon it sounds like.

Filed under: Doug Reinhardt - Paris Hilton
by Free Britney
Comments Off