Paul Wesley vs. Kellan Lutz: Who Would You Rather…

January 13, 2010


It’s the year of the vampire.

In the latest issue of Cosmopolitan, the magazine features its “Fun Fearless Males” of 2010 – and a pair of pretend blood suckers lead the way.

Paul Wesley and Kellan Lutz grace the issue’s cover, as each opens up about random topics (Lutz on his vices: “I need sugar all the time and I’m obsessed with lip balm.” Wesley on single life: “I can relate to being in love with one person. Dating around never appealed to me.”) and each simply looks smoldering.

Loyal THG readers ought to know where we’re going with this:

Compare The Vampire Diaries and The Twilight Saga studs below and then vote in our poll:

Hot Cosmo Cover

Who would you rather…

Jennifer Love Hewitt to Women of the World: Vagazzle Your Va-Jay-Jay!


What the what, Jennifer Love Hewitt?!?

The large-breasted Ghost Whisperer star appeared on Lopez Tonight last night and offered unusual, disturbing advice to women around the world.

Simply put, the actress said she often “vagazzles” her private area, making it sparkle like a disco ball. Like host George Lopez, we pretty much have no words for this, especially as we vomit at the thought of the only man that can vouch for the accuracy of this statement:

Jamie Kennedy. Barf!

Hailey Glassman to Jon Gosselin: Get Off Your Ass!


Looks like reports from earlier this week about Jon Gosselin and Hailey Glassman still being at odds were true, based on the latter’s recent Twitter tirade.

After laying low for several weeks, the douchebag’s ex-girlfriend tore into him this morning on her Twitter page, telling the father of eight to get a job.

Hailey Glassman Tweets from a few hours ago:

  • JG get off ur ass or whoever is riding u – lol – Stop watching Law and Order N get a job so u can pay 4 ur fam+pay me back the money I loaned u!
  • Finally other people (NYPD) can see through the “textbook sociopaths” (Google sociopath aka JG) lies … lol – sorry I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Wow. She’s right, dude has many a mouth to feed. Plus, Law & Order is on all the time. Jon doesn’t actually come up when you Google “sociopath,” sadly.

Hailey Glassman, Jon Gosselin Picture

Jon and Hailey in less hostile, violent times.

These unsubtle comments are clear references to the money Hailey says Jon owes her, and the fact that New York police investigating the “ransacking” of Jon Gosselin’s apartment now believe the event may have been a publicity stunt.

In particular, a large Japanese chef’s knife pinning a note – allegedly signed by Hailey – to Jon’s dresser strikes NYPD investigators as potentially staged.

“The more cops have looked into it, the more they feel like it was a publicity stunt,” a police source said. “They absolutely think the knife part is B.S.”

Despite the skepticism, the case remains open. A criminal complaint was filed after Jon said he found his New York apartment ransacked December 26.

Jon, who was rumored to be with new piece Morgan Christie at the time, blamed Hailey right off the bat. His lawyer boasted that she’d go to jail for it.

The events, whichever version of which you are inclined to believe, occurred as Hailey moved out of the apartment they shared and the couple split.

Tila Tequila: Casey Johnson Was the “Cutest Thing Ever”


Following her widely-criticized Twitter rants and cries for attention, Tila Tequila had her apperance on Larry King canceled last night.

But People has gone ahead with a feature on Casey Johnson’s quasi widow, who opens up to the publication about first meeting the woman she refers to as her “wife.” Read the excerpts below at your own nauseating risk…

On her first impression of Casey: One day I texted and she was the cutest thing ever. She was nothing I had envisioned. I thought, I cannot believe this is the Casey Johnson people used to tell me about.

On their first date: She was so nervous at my house. Dropping things. I could tell she was nervous… We just ended up laughing all night. We just fell in love.

T Squared Photo

On their engagement: One night she comes over and she was so nervous. I was like what’s wrong with you, calm down!” Tequila recalls. “She was so nervous and so cute and finally she pulled out this fat ring that I had never seen before.

On Casey’s daughter: I was going to adopt Ava and we decided she would call her Mommy and me Mommy T. We were going to have a big family.

On reaction to Casey’s death: My therapist put me on suicide watch. I’ve been getting help but I’m fine now. I know Casey wants me to be alive and she hates seeing me like this. She always hated it when she would see me cry.

In related news, Tila has posted 37 Tweets in the time it took you to read this article. She’s good.

Karissa and Kristina Shannon: Moving Out, Moving On


Karissa and Kristina Shannon are moving on to bigger and better things. In other words:

They’d like to have sex with someone that possesses fewer wrinkles than Rex Ryan’s game plans for the New York Jets’ defense.

Indeed, earlier today, Hugh Hefner confirmed that the twins are moving out of the Playboy Mansion and relocating all the way across the yard. The magazine magnate Tweeted:

“The Shannon Twins are growing up. They’re moving to the Playmate House with my blessing so they will be free to do other things.”

Hef and Exes

Hef said the busty blondes want to travel the world and partake in endeavors that other Playmates have recently enjoyed. Does that mean we should expect them to squeeze out a baby and pose for every tabloid imaginable over the next year?

Fortunately, things between the Playboy founder and 23-year Crystal Harris couldn’t be better, Hefner added. But that doesn’t mean we should start listening for wedding bells. He told E! News:

“I haven’t had a lot of luck with marriage. I don’t have a good track record and I don’t want to screw this one up.”

Betrayed! A-Rod was seeing another woman while he was with Kate

KateARod0113.jpg

It looked like Alex Rodriguez rebounded with 25-year-old design consultant Elaine Spottswood awfully quickly after his split with Kate Hudson — and it turns out that may be because the Yankee slugger already had the younger blonde on deck. “Elaine and Alex have been romantic for a few months, since before he and Kate ended their relationship,” says an insider close to the couple, who met through friends a few years ago, but began heating up in November. And apparently, A-Rod didn’t do much to hide his affections: According to one insider, he constantly texted Elaine, even while he was with Kate. In fact, as millions of viewers watched Kate and her family cheer Alex on during the World Series, he was secretly planning sexy dates with Elaine. “Kate is devastated and feels stupid,” says a friend of the actress. “She thought that she and Alex were moving toward marriage, and all the while he was not taking the relationship as seriously as she was. She never would have imagined he would cheat on her.” Elaine openly admits she and Alex are spending time with each other, but insists she’s not behind the breakup, calling it a mutual decision between the two. “It’s only recently that we’ve reconnected, about a month or so ago,” Elaine tells In Touch.

Cover Wars: Kendra and Kourtney Talk, Exploit Babies with Dueling Tabloids


When most people become parents for the first time, they’re overwhelmed by the sounds of a baby crying.

For Kendra Wilkinson and Kourtney Kardashian, however, the only sound they hear when they look at little Mason and Hank is: Cha-ching!

Within days of giving birth, each of these publicity hounds graced the covers of various supermarket tabloids and website home pages.

Now, a few weeks after squaring off in a THG Tale of the Tape, Kendra and Kourtney continue to exploit their children in dueling magazine features.

Kourtney and Kendra KoverNew Mothers

Among the (utterly mundane) “exclusives” these issues offer readers this week?

  • Scott Disick (gasp!) changes diapers.
  • Hank Baskett loves his wife’s backside.
  • Both Kourtney and Kendra are dropping their baby weight (thank goodness!).
  • Mason changed Kourtney’s life (by putting a lot more money in her pocket).

Approximately four million women give birth each year in the United States. If any of the 3,999,998 feel like explaining to Kardashian and Wilkinson what motherhood is truly about, we encourage you to do so now.

Stephanie Breshears: John Edwards Hit on Me!


John Edwards is on the verge of divorcing wife Elizabeth and trawling for other women, according to reports. Inclined not to believe that? We don’t blame you.

However, when the Enquirer reported that John was having an affair with Rielle Hunter and got her pregnant in 2007-2008, that seemed ridiculously absurd.

We know how that turned out.

The same celebrity gossip tabloid that outed his previous affair and sank Edwards’ career now reports that he has embarked on a “sex-and-booze bender.”

While still publicly not admitting paternity of (or financially supporting) his love child – who turns two in February – the disgraced politician is on the prowl!

Before booting her shameless husband from their home after Christmas, Elizabeth Edwards screamed at John that she was “finally signing” divorce papers.

Stephanie Breshears Picture

Edwards fled to the couple’s vacation home near Wilmington, N.C., where he drank and attempted to get in the sack with Stephanie Breshears, an attractive bartender.

Stephanie says that Edwards tried to get her to go back to his house for sex “for four consecutive nights” after meeting her at the Kornerstone Bistro, where she works.

“I think he’s absolute scum,” Stephanie said. “He was definitely looking to pick up women when he came in here – and he wanted me to go back to his house with.”

“He said he’d been thinking about me since he and his wife were in last summer. He said I had run through his mind ‘time and time’ again. He said I was ‘attractive.’

“He asked what I was doing after work and I told him I had plans with friends. But he told me he was staying on Figure Eight Island, and that I should join him.”

Incredibly, minutes after giving Stephanie his phone number, Edwards started flirting with another woman. “He told her he was ‘separated, soon to be divorced.’”

Tabloid Declares THE END of Brangelina!


They say truth is stranger than fiction. This old adage may be true in certain instances, but definitely not if you get your news from supermarket tabloid Star.

For Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, the magazine boldly declares, there is simply no more faking it. The end has arrived. It is over. Done with. Thing of the past.

Until next week when Star reunites them, most likely.

For now, though, there are secret lovers (Angelina cheating), private eyes (keeping tabs on Jennifer Aniston, who makes Angie fly into a jealous rage), etc.

It’s a sad state of affairs, but you knew it was coming every other week eventually. Hopefully Brad’s exit plan took the revenge pregnancy into account.

The End!

On Zahara’s birthday, Brad? Couldn’t even wait until the next day for your weekly breakup with Angelina? That’s just wrong, dude. Even more so than the goatee.

THG Caption Contest Winner: January 12


Yesterday, THG readers were given the challenge of writing the funniest caption for the picture appearing below. Mike Tyson. Jersey Shore. Endless material.

Your winner for this edition of our Caption Contest is chrissy.

The winning caption entry appears below. Click here to read the full list of submissions. Thank you to everyone for playing and good luck again next time!

Jersey Shore Cast and Mike Tyson

“Two metros, one midget and one tranny. By god, it must be Christmas!”