Conan O’Brien Releases Classy, Funny, Bitter Statement Over Late-Night Controversy

January 12, 2010


If it’s possible to be classy, funny and bitter all at the same time, Conan O’Brien has pulled it off.

The comedian has released a lengthy statement in which he essentially resigns from NBC, following the network’s decision to yank The Tonight Show‘s customary 11:35 p.m. time slot out from underneath him.

Out of respect for O’Brien, we’ve published the entire letter below. We hope NBC goes out of business…

“People of Earth: In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Conan O

Is it cold in here? Or is it NBC’s treatment of Conan O’Brien?

“Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future.

It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

“But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

“Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting.

The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

“So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

“There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

“Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.”

What a funny, professional guy. Check out the clip below of O’Brien weighing other job possibilities:

Mark Wahlberg, Rhea Durham Welcome Baby #4!


Mark Wahlberg and Rhea Durham, his longtime partner and his wife of six months, welcomed their fourth child together on Monday evening at 6:35 pm.

The couple is reportedly on cloud nine after welcoming a daughter named Margaret Grace at Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, a source says.

“Mark was in the delivery room with Rhea,” says the source. “And he cheered her on all the way. Rhea was a real trouper. They can’t wait to get home.”

“A big happy family with their four kids is what they wanted.”

Mark Wahlberg, Rhea Durham

Congratulations to Mark Wahlberg and Rhea Durham!

Looks like they’ve gotten there! Rhea and Mark’s three older children are Ella, 6, Michael, 4 and Brendan, 1. They all must be psyched to meet Margaret.

Mark’s new film, The Lovely Bones, opens later this month.

Rozlyn Papa: The Bachelor Set Me Up!


On last night’s episode of The Bachelor, Rozlyn Papa emerged as a favorite to win Jake Pavelka’s heart … only to be kicked off the show an hour later.

Accused of having an “inappropriate relationship” with a producer, she was informed by host Chris Harrison on Monday’s episode that she’s outta here.

In an interview with Richmond’s 103.7 FM, Roz again spoke out about the incident, denying that any sex or even making out took place with a staffer.

While (somewhat) bound by confidentiality agreements, Rozlyn Papa says the show threw her under the bus and there’s more to this than we know.

Check out the station’s interview with Rozlyn below, then vote in our survey and tell us who you believe, the 28-year-old model or the show’s brass …

Who do you believe in this Bachelor scandal?

Brad Ferro Fired For Snooki Knockout


Snooki 1, Meathead 0. The New York City gym teacher who punched the Jersey Shore star in the freaking face last summer is now losing his job as a result.

Given that Brad Ferro’s job is to help shape young minds, one can understand how beating up a girl, however annoying she is, would be frowned upon.

An official at the NYC Department of Education tells the site it’s drafting a letter to fire Ferro, who was arrested for the barroom attack, within 30 days.

“The termination is underway,” the official says.

Snooki Got Dropped

THE MESSED UP INCIDENT: A screen-grab from the now-yanked promo of Snooki getting clocked. She did not deserve that. She was being really annoying, though.

Brad Ferro, who lives and works in Queens, had been assigned to a non-teaching role ever since the controversial footage aired during a recent MTV promo.

The network ended up not airing the actual knockout blow after negative reaction to the promo. Snooki, a.k.a. Nicole Polizzi, did get drilled pretty hard.

Tila Tequila Records: Hilariously, Supposedly Coming Soon!


Tila Tequila has been very, very, very, very, very busy Tweeting.

Somehow, though, in between bitter, nonsensical messages aimed at Casey Johnson’s friends and family, Tila has found time to start her own record label. Seriously.

Well, seriously if you believe a word Tila Tequila writes and says. On her official blog, this is how the certifiable nut job explains her latest endeavor:

I am EXTREMELY excited to announce that now have my very own RECORD LABEL!!!!!!! It’s just called “TILA TEQUILA RECORDS” because that name is trademarked already so I might as well use it for the Record Label too!  For a long time I have been trying to get this up and going since the beginning of this year and now it’s FINALLY DONE!!!!!!!  IT is OFFICIAL!  Tila Tequila has her own record label “TILA TEQUILA RECORDS!”

Twitting Twit

Why should you choose this label over pretty much any other option? Tila lists a few reasons:

  • A new artist signed at a “Major Record Label” is about 90% likely to “end up miserable and broke” because the album will never be released and/or promoted.
  • Tila will “INSTANTLY, literally give you overnight fame.”
  • She won’t take any commission off your record sales.
  • YOU WILL BECOME A MAJOR SUPERSTAR FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY “SUPERSTAR!”
  • Tequila is “a young, hot, sexy biatch who is relentless and passionate in what she does!”
  • Artists under Tila’s label will accompany her on tours around the world and receive free first class trips. She will set them up with personalized merchandise and YouTube channels that make money.

In the end, Tequila writes “I am the new P.DIDDY except I’m in my 20′s, FEMALE, and BOSS BITCH!”

So… what are you waiting for, aspiring singers? Forget American Idol auditions. Forget local club or bar performances. You wanna make it big? Tila is just a website away!

First Listen: Heidi Montag’s “I’ll Do It”


The Hills star and aspiring singer Heidi Montag has kicked off the release of her long-awaited debut album, Superficial, with a new single entitled “I’ll Do It.”

You don’t even wanna know what it is. The opening lines:

“Pick me, take me, off up into ya dungin. I brought some treats. I know that you gon love em. Come eat my panties off of me. Do whatever comes naturally.”

Try to hurl away from the computer.

If you’re sure you’re up for it, listen below and tell us how you feel about Heidi Montag’s latest musical creation, “I’ll Do It,” by voting in the survey below

What do you think of Heidi’s Montag new single?

Paparazzi Helps Lindsay Lohan For Once


Looks like Lindsay Lohan is in the clear after her weekend car accident, and amazingly, her allies in getting off the hook may be celebrity gossip photographers.

Law enforcement sources are now saying that video of Lohan’s vehicular run-in with a pissed-off photographer Sunday proves the incident was fairly benign.

The actress’ driver is a “person of interest” in an assault with a deadly weapon investigation after she allegedly clipped a paparazzi member with her car.

She was trying to maneuver Lindsay through an alley at the time.

The dude is threatening to sue Lindsay over the incident, but the “alleged assault” looks like a bunch of nothing according to film shot by other photogs.

The Girl is Kind of a Lush

Caption rendered unnecessary.

It’s possible the driver could be targeted for hit-and-run, but only for the true nature of the crime – leaving after hitting someone or something without reporting it.

That does not mean anyone was seriously injured or Lindsay Lohan would somehow be implicated in it. So it looks like when all is said and done, she’ll be cleared.

She remains guilty, however, of being a Grade A train wreck.

Megan Fox for Armani: OMFGSH!


How hot are the Megan Fox pictures that comprise this actress’ latest Armani ad campaign?

So hot that we made up our own acronym for them in the headline above. Can you guess what it stands up?

Time is up! It’s: Oh My F-ckin God She’s Hot.

Forgive our lack of creativity on that one. We’ve been too busy drooling over the photos below to think straight. Save us here, Giorgio Armani, and state the obvious about why you chose Fox as a model:

“Megan is young and sexy and has a lot of spirit. Both Emporio Armani Underwear and Armani Jeans are all about a youthful attitude, making her the perfect choice for the collections.”

Right. That’s what it is. Megan’s spirit is the reason we can’t stop staring at the pics below…

In Underwear

For ArmaniBeyond Hot Hottie for HireIn a BraFox PhotoHot Hand Up

Click on each photo above to enlarge… and enjoy, fellas!

Matt Kemp: Just Friends with Rihanna … and More?


L.A. Dodgers slugger Matt Kemp has issued a statement saying he’s not dating Rihanna … but they are good friends. Ones who go on vacation to Cabo together.

The rumored pair were photographed recently kissing and flirting, but according to Kemp, apparently that’s just an extension of a deep “friendship” with the star.

His rep said: “I think dating might be a stretch at this point.”

“Yes, they are in Cabo San Lucas, but past that they are just good friends, and I don’t think we can label it as anything other than friendship right now.”

He added: “Who knows what will develop past the friendship.”

Rihanna in NYCMatthew Kemp

Rihanna and Matt Kemp have been canoodling in recent weeks.

While we initially dismissed rumors linking them together as mere tabloid gossip, Matt Kemp and Rihanna really were spotted smooching in Mexico earlier this month.

We imagine his rep’s vague denial is just a means of trying to deflect speculation and keeping the baseball player’s options open as they see how things play out.

If things go well, though, he might want to update his Match.com ad.

The Hollywood Gossip Caption Contest: January 12


Welcome to The Hollywood Gossip Caption Contest, where readers submit the funniest caption(s) for the photo below! Today’s subjects should make it easy.

Yup, it’s Pauly D, The Situation, Snooki and JWoww of Jersey Shore. With Mike Tyson, former boxing champ and current dude with a tattoo on his face. His face.

What could they be thinking or saying?

You tell us! Click “Comments” below and send in your very own Jersey Shore quotes for this pic. We’ll announce a winner tomorrow. Have fun and go to it …

Jersey Shore Cast and Mike Tyson